Animals

Yeah Yeah. New car. My dad bought my mum a new car just to make her happy. Family car down graded in size. 4 seater. I think my butt is enough to cover the whole back seat. ohoh but the back seats are so cozy, you can watch a movie in there anytime. I just love the Peugeot keychain. So pretty.

I got a shock of my life yesterday when I didn't recognise Huiling! While I was in the car waiting for my mum to buy dinner at the Serangoon Garden market, I saw this black girl walking towards the car smiling and waving. And I was wondering who was that weird girl. And suddenly when I unlocked the door for her to come in, I remembered that voice and I was like, Huiling?! (she is sooo tan after her camp) haha. Who knew my car no.'s were that well known. Than I saw her again at J8 that very same night after her movie. The world around us is that small.

It was raining last week, so we had to go to our civics room for flag raising. To our surprise, we were greeted with a fluffed up bird which was looking very stressed(most probably locked in there the whole night. poor thing).
And yes, it was raining the other day too, if you look close enough, you can see little birds taking shelter on the branches of a plant. So cute!
When I reached home the other day, I did something rather dumb, perhaps its just a habit. I reached for left part of my blouse to take out my name tag, only to realise I dont wear one anymore. Than I just sighed to myself on those days gone by. -Long Distance Line-

Every Monday is a Sunday with Them

Braving the rain, we went on with the bbq. Mentally prepared that I wasn't coming home dry anyway. Wenna dropped by before we headed to Ben's place.

When we reached, we saw Huiling, Xianglin, Sherman and Darling Thomas, Yuhang, plus (the not so keen people I want to see) Lorrain and friends.

At this point, you must be wondering what happen to the rest.

Here's the answer. Mahjong.

Though I must add, that Ben and Kuan Siong were really feeling the room colour. hah. Oh well, according to Yuhang, Yellow is the colour of the year. But I checked it out, and they said it was Blue.

Guess around that time, Wendy, Hash, Xiaotong, Levina and Kendrick came. We just sat around and talked. The guys finally decided to leave their gambling den to eat. So it was just normal socialising and eating. Penshah came too. Funny why he's having more fun in jc compared to me. Bummer.

Sherman wasn't changed much. But Ben's hair looks much better now. I think.

If you could tell, it wasn't very 'happening' at the beginning. ButButBut, when the Martell started flowing....

all hell breaks loose. We played a few games. And it seemed like everyone had their chance for a shot, or more. EXCEPT ME! Litong said I was lucky though I beg to differ. And it didn't help that Wenna told Ben about what happened at Shar's bbq. So he was like "Little girls shouldn't drink". Atleast I did help myself to 2 or 3 shots with Ben and Thomas before the games started. And I finished the last parts of the bottle with them too. haha

And well, at the end of the game, we had TWO HEROES, Benedict and Thomas.

The 2 Champions were taking filled to the brim shots Before the game, During the game, and After the game. Not to mention during the games, both of them were taking in shots every 2 minutes. I swear I was so worried. If you were there to see their faces, you'd freak out too. They were soo red.

And although Ben said he was okay, you could tell he was faking it. I was worried for the life of both Wendy and I. haha. I literally screamed at him when he came beside me. Atleast Wendy wasn't in site. Lucky her.

After all that alcohol, Ben decided to drown it down some more with a dip in the pool. Wonder who else followed? Yuhang, Thomas, Sherman, Hongfei? With the guys wet, you know what follows. Just who got wet first. I think it was Amanda, than Lorrain, than Wenna, and after being chased by Benedict, hugging onto a table, dragged on the floor by Wenna, carried by hand and leg down a flight of stairs, and 10 steps to the pool, I was thrown in the pool. Guess Ben tasted success. Till today, I don't know who were the people who threw me in, was it just Ben and Wenna? I will never know. But I remember kicking Ben's butt when he caught hold of my leg. hah!

Huiling and Xianglin got wet too. Everyone did get wet, except a handful. Not counting that Wendy and friends Chickened out. Spoiler man you guys.

With everyone wet, Amanda started throwing the guys shirts and our flipflops into the pool. You could tell by than, we were all high too. And what do you do when you have flipflops in the pool? FLIPFLOP FRISBEE! Litong was the unlucky one. It was just a game between Huiling, Xianglin, Litong, Yuhang, Thomas and I. Fun Stuff.

Right now I'm not to sure if I was partially drunk cause I don't really remember alot of stuff. I think Thomas Piggy-back me in the pool. Sigh, I don't remember. Whatever. Thomas is mine. Don't steal him alright.

Wondering what happened to our TWO HEROES at the end of the day?

After all that drinking and playing, all that darling Thomas could give me was a blank stare, Guess his pubbing experience didn't help. As for Ben, I guess he wasn't that bad, he still could climb the stairs thats for one. But he M.I.A-ed after he stepped into the house. Apparently, he puked his guts out and drifted into lala land. Both Heores K.I.A.

So what do you say people?

Lets give a big round of applause for THAM SHENG QIAN LEWIS BENEDICT and LAM WEI JUN THOMAS.

-Cartoon Heroes-

Checked up on darling today, he says he's alright. haha.

Happy Birthday Muffs!

Celebrated muffs 18th Birthday on Saturday.

She had a mini bbq for her close friends and family.

Not to my surprise, her house is still as messy as ever. Actually, there has been an add on to the hazardous level. The ceiling in her room is literally DROPPING DOWN, you need insurance to enter that room. No joke.

Yet again, I was the first to arrive. Lazed around since everyone was doing their thing to get the pit started. It didn't take much anyway, cause the pit was very small, just enough for everyone there. Wenna came after that, and that, than shar's bro started cooking the wings and thighs.

Auntie marinates the best chicken wings ever! Oh-So-Very Yum!

So we just sat around, talked and ate. Catched up with Wenna dear. She seems to be doing fine, just like everyone else. 'ahem' not to mention the drinking. Well, after the wine, and 2 bottles of vodka, I was a tad high though everyone said I was drunk. Hey, atleast I said I felt a little high. Plus I still remember the 4 numbers muffs gave me to remember. 1214. 4D anyone? haha. It's my first time feeling high (oops). Atleast I learnt something that day, I sing when I'm high too. haha

It sucks that the privilege of seeing your friends everyday is gone. Okay, think happy Justina.

Absence makes the heart grow stronger.

Where was Gwen Chan Simin?

That girl. She was in church and she only came at 9 plus? We actually had a few rounds of 'Guess what Time Gwen is Coming'. But we all lost in the end. Gwen is forever late. Sigh.

We manages to trick that blur birthday girl that there was NO CAKE. And she believed us. Can you believe that?

So I bet when muffs saw her Swensen Blackforest Ice-Cream Cake topped with a lighted Big candle and 8 little ones trailing behind it, she was ELATED.

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words
Who says you can't embrace the child in you, even if your 18. BubbleBubbleBoilandTrouble.

Gwen came, like finally. She had her share of Aunties yummyyummy chicken and had some yummy cake too. It was just the 4 girls as we used to be. Back to the times. Back to the start. In the end, we were the ones standing at the beginning together.

Darkness turns to Light
My little girl is all grown up now. After 11 years, that Primary 1 girl across my house has matured so much. Still remember playing Barbie Dolls with her. hah. I don't think she knows it, but the best thing she has ever taught me in this span of frinedship, was that family is important. She has always been the adult while I'm the child. I teach her to be a kid, she teaches me to be an adult.

Imagine where we'd be in 10 years time?

Happy Birthday Muffs!

I LOVE YOU!

-My Boo-

Friday Night Out

After reminiscing about the days gone by in Zhonghua, we headed for our dinner date at the Fish & Co Glasshouse. Though I did suggest a meal at a different place where it would be lighter on Yuhang's wallet, he refused. Sigh, that stubborn boy.

Most of them ordered the standard Fish & Chips...

Jasmine's new hair cut makes her look like a lil doll. Cute right?
Shoot me if you will, but I wasn't really keen on eating their Fish & Chips AGAIN. And I was eyeing their grilled salmon so badly, though it cost like 17 bucks. In the end, the worst got the best of me and I ordered it. Felt so bad for Yuhang. Butbutbut, the salmon was fantastic! It was coated with white and black sesame. So Yum.

The six of us chocked up a bill of 127 bucks. Sorry Yuhang

In serach for dessert, we walked to Plaza Sing, than to The Cathay, Than back to Plaza Sing. Where we finally decided to eat at Cartel. My Treat! I'm always game for dessert!

Peiru and Huiling. Big Smile.

I secretly think Yuhang's a girl.

Limin and her Oreo Frappe.

I gorge on desserts.

Limin and Peiru left half way through our desserts, cause they needed to catch the last train back. Than it was just Huiling, Jasmine, Yuhang and I. After we were done, we trained back to Serangoon. Huiling was very tired, and so was Yuhang. You could tell that both their eyes were about to shut in no time. So as much as I tried to persuade that silly boy not to walk me home, he still insisted. Oh well. Often I feel very guilty that he walks from my place all the way to Kovan. haha. He's my hero.

Cannot stand this picture of him.
Doesn't he look so cheeky?
*faint*


-Leave a Mark on this Earth-

I Miss...

Even though I said that the day I stepped out of Zhonghua was the happiest day of my life, I take it back.

Honestly, going back was comforting to my distressed soul. Familiar grounds where I have played, loved and studied at. Familiar faces, liked or hated. Its just the whole aura that makes me feel secure.

I Miss... walking down this block every morning.

I Miss... the invisible line we drew around the study benches outside our classroom, that gave us the authority to hog/study on them day and night.

I Miss... studying hard TOGETHER. The support we gave each other was priceless.

And I Miss... THIS BENCH, at the study corner. The memories surrounding this bench is endless. With much joy its has brought and the heartache it represents, I love this bench. If I could buy this bench, I would.

It was when I was talking to Lao Shi, that she opened my eyes to why I'm feeling the way I do. She said that I have grown up in a secruity zone for the pass 5 years hence I find it so difficult to let others in. Cause even though a few of our classmates change, its just between us 2 classes. N1 and N2. So there wasn't a need to worry about making friends as we have been friends already. Thus going to a jc was a 'cultural shock' for me. And while other students had 2 months to adjust to a jc system, I was only given 2 weeks. Plus it's alright to fail in jc. She said that if the teachers in innova arn't willing to help, she told me to come back to ask my Zhonghua teachers.

(Can you believe this?! I wonder if I can study for my A levels in Zhonghua. I want Miss Ong for chem, Miss Ting for physics, Mr Lim for GP, Mr Wong for math, and lastly, my favourite 'fish' Lao Shi for CLB. hah!) (okay okay, I need to come back to earth now)

Moving back to what Lao Shi said about friendships, She said she believes that Secondary School Friendships are the purest friendships you can make, and "think of jc as a mini society, you will find all the 'funny' characters there". Than she reminded go out and have fun. Cause even if my classmates don't have a life, I need one. "Try to keep sane, in this insane world".

And the best advice she has ever give me, was, and always will be, "Justina, please remember to sleep. You need to rest." haha. And I nod obediently.

I guess I'm typing whatever she says down for memories sake. When a day comes when my head is just saturated with useless info that I'm not gonna use on a daily basis, and when I feel that all is lost, atleast I have some wise words to read. Oh well, Lao Shi is just a call away anyway. When I wasn't sure which jc to go to, she was the first person I called for help. Chinese on top of the worry list, she took the effort to find out if I could do CLB in any jc. Not forgetting the CLB 'liao' she got for me for the O levels. I'm thankful to God for blessing me with a teacher like her. And I know she almost fainted when she heard I passed my CL with a C6. There's nothing much to say about God and the miracles He does.

Its ironic how the Best Teacher I ever had taught the worst subject I ever did.

-I Miss...Zhonghua-

Darkness

It’s amazing who many words there are to describe sadness. And it helps that most of them start with a ‘D’.

Death
Depression
Disappointment
Downtrodden

And yes. It’s another emo entry.

Life’s just a big mess. I have never felt so lost, unsettled, insecure, unloved, physically, emotionally, mentally unstable. Oh wait. There’s more, suicide. And I also admit that I have lost some faith in God. I know God frown upon those who thinks/commits suicide. So I’m just a disappointment to Him. I’m just a big fat disappointment to everyone in my life.

Sometimes I wonder how a cheerful, loving person, that smiled her way through everything that came her way, turned into a person who thinks that life has nothing left to live for. Let alone she has lived her whole life following where God has led her to be today.

Let’s try to see the link between my messed up life, with my messed up emotions.

Trips on the train makes me think a lot. When I think too much, I feel too much.

I don’t have a proper classroom to settle in, hence I’m just moving from lecture hall to lecture hall to classrooms.

I can’t find any true friends who I think are worth letting in.

No word in the dictionary can describe School work.

My source of motivation has gone. (It’s sort of dumb, but it’s the one that’s causing ALL the heartache and tears) It’s just a lot of questions in my head. And my ONLY answer is to cry. Cry when I think of the past. Cry to the songs we sang to each other. Freaking hell, everything reminds me of him. He literally built me up and tore me down. So you can go ahead and tell me. “He’s just a jerk”. But I worry a lot for him, because I care for him. He’s not the best guy you’ll ever catch, and obviously he wasn’t an angel either. I may not understand his flaws, let alone, I don’t really approve any of them. But he’s got a heart I love. He was there to pick me up. And now without him, as much as I try, I can’t seem to motivate myself. I wake up every morning thinking it’s another painful day without him.

So after reading that point, you figured I failed on carrying out whatever I typed in my previous post. Is there a record on how many consecutive days a human can cry?

I think my life is like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, and I’m a 2 year old trying to piece it together.

Maybe, just maybe, if you guys prayed hard enough, my next post would be happier. But it’ll take time. I’m stuck in a moment that I don’t want to end. It took me 2 years to get over a crush so imagine me getting over him.

I need to learn how to love me again.

-To All The Guys that Complicate My Life-

Inbox

I was clearing my inbox, when I came across a message my dad sent me on my first day in jc. He said "Study hard. God loves you". It didn't really strike me the first time I recieved it, but reading it today did.

Even though a week has pass since I entered school, I think I have failed everyone. Though I chose this path, I truly felt that God had guided me this way. But im not very sure what lesson he is trying to teach me. Perhaps He is teaching me to be more independent. Or perhaps He is saying that the world is not as kind as I see it to be, and not everyone I meet is gonna be a true friend.

My first week of jc was pretty bad to say the least. And starting with the end in mind, is no where close in my mind.

I know I have been blessed in more than many ways than one. And all I ever want to do is to make my parents proud. Though I have never been smart. But I never ever want to be a burden to my parents.

They have blessed me with so much, and often I take them for granted. And I guess my only way of repaying them, is by being good and studying hard. But I fear if one day I should fail, I would have nothing to show my gratitude to them, and they would have 3 pathetic daughters and perhaps feel that they have failed in bringing up children who are respected by society.

So today, I mark a start of a Stronger Justina. And that means No More Crying. Chin up, and have No Fear. Cause even if it pushes me to the edge of my life, I just want to see parents happy.