Swollen Eyes

I hate to emo some more, but I just have to. My first week in jc was hell. I understand the need to bridge the gap, but teaching at a speed faster than a bullet train aint gonna help, might as well not teach at all.

You could say I need time to adjust to my new surroundings, new syllabus, new subjects, new approach to teaching, new curriculum. As much as I have tried, I still feel rather alien. I hate sitting in lecture rooms, filled with God knows how many people. I just hate it. Classrooms were built for a reason people.

And what sucks the most, is that I have deduced that jc is not one place you want to make true friends. Its every man for himself. So can anyone please understand why im feeling so down? I so freaking miss all my friends. Just typing that makes my eyes well up with tears.

Im not very proud to say this, but I come home EVERY night, crying my eyes out. Everyone has put their faith in me, but I have failed them. I remember reading Val's message on the train, tears in my eyes. Even the simplest message of love can make me tear. All I have to say is that im thankful for all the loves in my life.

-You're Treasure-

Start With Nothing, End With Something

Im leaving for Perth in a few hours. Kinda glad to get away from all the chaos going around. When I heard the subject combination talk yesterday, I think the stress started building up. Go ahead and think im weak. Mind you I have not used my brains to its fullest potential for like the pass....5 months?

Yesterday was alright. Made friends talked, ran round the school together, bought our uniform together, just to realise that it was a tad to big, so I dropped by school just now to change the blouse, than altered the freaking long skirt. Now all I need are my Nike shoes. Lets pray they have nice ones in Perth.

Hate to think about it, but when I get back, I'll be hitting the books straight. No turning back now.

And I hate to admit it, but when I came home after school, I was an emotional wreck. All I could do was binge and cry, I was so shocked to see how many student got retained in JC1. And I have already missed out on like 2 months of stuff, how in the world am I going to catch up. Plus, most of the friends I have made are going to an arts stream, so I have no one to depend on, no one to help me understand lectures, I have NO ONE.

Passed by Zhonghua on my way home, and as much as I hate the freaking people that run the school, I miss knowing the fact that when I go to school, my friends are gonna be there to make a boring day in school less painful. And it sounds kinda dumb, but I miss the classroom as well. I miss sitting at the bench outside the classroom, with papers and books all stacked up, studying my ass off. I miss the study corner all the 5N-ers sat at, studying all way to the night, till the security guard had to chase us out. I think I just miss the whole secondary school feeling.


Just to make myself feel better. Pictures!

Rememeber this.......I miss playing this. Don't you?haha. I have no idea how I accidentally uploaded this pic. Burger King, your Dairy Queen misses you.I really treasure the little notes you guys write to me. And often when I feel down, your sweet words are comfort in my heart.
Unlike others, im not the sort to adjust well to new surroundings. And its kinda shit when you actually need your new surroundings to help you survive through jc. All I hope for now, is just to be able to catch up with syllabus and make some depenable friends. Sounds easier than it actually is.

I need to stop emo-ing.

Sometimes, I think I use the word 'I', 'me', 'my' too much when I blog/text. Makes me sound so selfish.

Damn it! I just realised that since im gonna miss the first day of school, all the freakin students will take up the front seats in class! Shit! Short people like me need those seats!

Triumph starts with a TRY and ends with a Big

Try Justina, Try

S.J.J.E.L

What does it mean, when you dream about hugging a person you once liked?

Often or not, I believe that our dreams are the emotions of our inner self. Perhaps not all our dreams reflect our deeper feelings. But those that you remember, are those that you hold specific importance to.

Well, I do admit that I still care for him. And yes, I still hold on to many sweet memories I had with him. It beats having no memories at all. But I have made it totally clear with myself that I have lost my feelings for him. When he left, he changed too much for me to understand. And don't get me wrong, cause I still love him as a friend.

In that dream, I did what I have always wanted to do, I said the stuff I have always wanted to say. Though the dream ain't gonna come true, the emotions I felt were real.

-S.J.J.E.L I really do miss you-

Valentine

Its Valentines Day today. Honestly speaking, its actually kinda sad to be celebrating it by my lonesome, yet I feel like I should reserve myself until I find someone deserving enough. Its not that I dont like the guys in my life, hell yeah, I love them. I just feel that waiting for that special someone, and giving my all, would make a relationship special. Jun Xiang says my perception of love is very mature, and I think so too.

The one thing I cant understand, are those teenage love couples who are lost in their own lil world, and when they breakup, they just freakin sink themselves into depression. Seriously, there's more to life people.

Perhaps im still trying to get over the last guy that liked me. He was there for me even at my weakest moments. Giving me the strength to pull myself together and do my best. The one who listened to me rant about hating to study for humanities. Constant messages that releaved me from unnecessary stress. And when he looks into my eyes, he makes me feel like a lil kid, warm and tingly on the inside. Yet, when I saw him cry, I didn't know what to say to him. Sometimes, I feel I was the cause of his tears. Than one day, the messages stopped. I told myself to get over him, and I really did try. And to top it all off, I sort of found out he was sort of like a gambler. Like I said, im reserving myself for that special someone, and although I can accept certain flaws, stuff like that just makes me all insecure. So its really bout time I got over him.

*******, I have a raisin, so forget that date.

Funny why I have no idea why I just typed that whole paragraph for.

Im not the sort to go through many relationships just to settle at one. I want something that lasts. To me, love is not just about understanding and compassion. Its more of a special someone loving enough, to bring out the better part of me. Showing me a different side to the world. Helping me view stuff from a different angle.

So, today's Valentines Day. And im gonna celebrate love, my way.

-Hearts All Over the World-

The Dating Game

Yesterday, I went for a lil date with my darlings. All fingers are pointed at Yuhang at this moment cause he was the bored one, and wanted to go out. But im not blaming him cause I sure did enjoy myself. Big Smile. So after all the last minute, and I really mean last minute deliberation, we decided to head down to Raffles City(my idea).

Okay, before I start on the day, I really need to thank Teo Yuhang and my now ex-hubby, Benedict for helping me burn those extra CNY calories cause I was literally walking up and down the whole of Douby Ghout mrt in search of them. And low and behold, they were sitting on the steps beside the train station. Talk about making yourself visable. Yuhang, you suck at giving clear and precise destinations. But its alright, I still love you. hah

So Xianglin came late, then we headed to City Hall. Funny that Kuan Siong took the train to Raffles Place. Okay okay, I admit, I have made that mistake before. Once. Walked around cause darling ben wanted to eat. Finally deciding to eat at Out of the Pan, located near the central fountain.

So, if you figured, Ben was starved.

Nothing completes a good-ol meal like dessert! Though its not in the picture, the waffles were accompanied with orange sorbet, that had chocolate shavings in them. So yum, and so fits in with the CNY celebrations.

Kuan Siong didn't order anything. He was busy clearing his wallet, while we were busy chomping down our food. Blame it on his huge cup of Coffee bean coffee.

Yuhang has been craving for waffles with ice-cream for like...2 months? Hence, I took it upon myself to find a place that served good waffles to appease his taste buds. And I sure hope he did enjoy his meal. Sigh, the things I do for him.

What else can I say. I just love this picture.

Xianglin and I shared this. Strawberry Crepes! It had strawberry and custard filling, which wasn't too sweet, and complemented each other pretty well. Topped with vanilla bean ice-cream and seasonal berries. Super yum!

After stuffing ourselves, we walked around the area. Xianglin desperately trying to get Wendy and Hasyimah to join us for a movie(Yuhang's idea). Well, we succeeded! Duh, when you put Justina on the line, I can persuade any soul. hah. I got Huiling to join in too. Just at that moment, Ben and Kuan Siong left, for like the dumbest reason, play Mahjong. Don't ask me to tap into the mind of my ex-hubby, its uncharted territory. Guess he was the one who lost out, cause he missed watching a movie with Wendy. Awww

Trained back to Plaza Sing. where we decided to catch......

My very first chinese movie. Guess who sat beside me?

Yuhang Yuhang. haha

The movie was alright, a tad too exaggerated for my taste. Who cares anyway, I didn't. We than headed to Pastamania for dinner. And after, Wendy and Hasyimah left. So it was just Yuhang, Huiling, Xianglin and I. Walked from Plaza Sing to Ochard, in an attempt to digest our food. Headed home after that. Xianglin took the other train, while Huiling, Yuhang and I trained back to Serangoon. Waited for Huiling's dad to pick her up. And as per usual Super Sweet Yuhang walked me home. He's so sweet.

Yup. So that was my day out with my darlings. It was exceptionally fun, though dates like that arn't gonna come by easy when school starts, im glad to keep the memories.

5 years of friendship and counting. I Love Xianglin

-We Wanna Make A Memory-

Unopen letters

A fresh beginning. A new start. A place to pen my thoughts down. Something to mark a special day gone by.